Friday, May 20, 2011

How to survive a zombie apocalypse

In case you hadn't heard, the end of the world is upon us. At least, that's what Harold Camping says.

I'm a christian and personally, I don't believe the hype. That being said, I'm all for being prepared, and have come up with a list of things you and your loved ones can do should you find yourselves in the middle of a zombie apocalypse tomorrow :D

  • Don steel helmets. Zombies like brains. You and your loved ones might want to cover your noggins with some protective head gear. Just sayin'.
  • Have a flame thrower on hand. Zombies are already dead, and they're generally pretty gamey. If you shoot them, all you'll do is open up another orifice with which it can ooze. Your best bet to destroy any zombies encroaching your home base is to burn them. Ashes don't stink. Corpses do. 'Nuff said.
  • Arm yourselves with food resembling brain matter in the off chance you have to leave your house. Zombies aren't very nimble-footed and they're stupid as shit. If you toss a head of cauliflower at it or even some boiled noodles, you might be able to buy yourself some time to escape.
  • If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. This one's a little risky, but worth a shot if you're stranded in the middle of a zombie war zone. Find the nearest dumpster you can, and take a swim. That's right...tumble around in the trash and paint your face with whatever garbage you can find. Rip your clothes, groan and walk with a limp. Between your new disheveled look, your funky stank and the real zombie's inherent stupidity, you just might live!
My guess is we'll all be chatting about the stupidity of this nonsense come Monday. If not, I hope my zombie survival tips come in handy.

Oh! And if your'e looking for something to keep your mind off our impending doom, why not check out one of my books? Pleasures Untold has a pretty kick ass zombie fight scene. Woot!


CarolOates said...

There may be something wrong with me. I getting quite a kick out of all the zombie talk. lol. Ahh, come Monday we will look back and laugh. *crosses fingers and toes*

co wendy said...

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